Consent as a foundation to human interactions

Disclaimer

I’m writing from the point of view of someone raised as white, cis-male and French. I am also perceived by others as such This has affected and affects my personal experience of consent

Context

In the pursuit of my values (French) of trying to minimize suffering, i’ve come across the idea that consent not being respected is a major source of suffering. As a consequence, over the past couple of years, i’ve explored the idea of what the world would look like if respecting consent was at the center of human interactions

What is described in this article and the next ones is my sharing of my own experiences in this exploration and thought wanderings

It’s been mostly useful for me as a tool to understand the root cause of myself and others’ suffering

Definition

Consent here is understood as an property of a person that can be respected or not. The consent of a person is respected if they are not forced to do something or placed in a situation they don’t want to be in

Discussion

To be able to determine whether someone’s consent is respected assumes that this person knows whether they want to do something
It is not always the case. Sometimes people don’t know

Difference with acceptance

A notion that i differenciate from consent is acceptance. Acceptance means “saying yes” in situations where one would rather say “no” but doesn’t see other viable alternatives

Exploration overview

When considering the idea of consent being at the root of all human interactions, my first impression is a two-dimensional vertigo
One part is that almost everywhere you look at in human interactions there are major or minor parts that are designed to not respect consent
Another part is a more practical consideration about the amount of subtle work needed to re-invent and practice form of interactions that maximize the chances to respect consent

Where is consent not respected?

This list of contexts where human interactions happen is not exhaustive, but provides a first balaiement

Family

In most cases, family is a group of people one hasn’t chosen to be with. As a consequence, there is a risk that being part of a given family isn’t consented

This can be expressed in the fact of being economically dependent on some family members, or having to dedicate time and attention with some family members

Childhood

Childhood is a severe case of the person (this child)’s consent not being respected. Most decisions are made on their behalf usually by adults (parents, teachers, etc.)

Parents may also imposed their expectations onto their children

Workplace

Working as an employee most often includes signing a contracts with a rule of subordination of the employee towards their employer Subordination means doing what the employer has asked for regardless of whether the employee wants to; regardless of the employee’s consent

The signature here is usually an acceptance against a regular paycheck, not necessarily a consent

Legal system

Most people are born and live in a country. By this “act” of being born, it is expected of them to adhere to a given legal system The legal system is usually imposed on them without regard for their consent

Market

A produce or service is proposed, but in most cases, the price is imposed (and isn’t necessarily consented) The conditions of production (worker’s wage and working conditions, ingredients use, pollutions generated as part of ) and rarely laid out and often impact the decision of a buyer; they wouldn’t consent to buy a product created under such and such circumstances if they knew

In recent years, the field of marketing has been one which has grown into intending to “create people’s needs” regardless of whether these people want, consent or even care of these “new needs”

Necessary work to maximize consent

If one wants to be mindful and respectful of other’s consent, it takes at least to gather this other person’s consent. This means asking if the other consents to what is being proposed, listening to the response and accepting it as is by default It takes formulating a proposition and making sure the other person understands the proposition

And people may not have an answer right away

At the very least, respecting other’s consent requires giving up some amount of efficiency in the short term

Also, attention is also subject to consent, so, in some situations, a person doesn’t want to be asked anything. It’s sometimes impossible to know in advance

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